Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
