We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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