I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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