Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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