I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
