Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
