I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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