I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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