I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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