Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
