id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
