rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
