I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
