Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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