Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
