It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
