He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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