She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
