so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
