he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
