I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
