White coat. Heels.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
