I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
