you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
