I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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