never play flip cup with pint glasses
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
