Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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