if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
