There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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