I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Will you blow on my dice?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You are the jesus of drinking
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
