Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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