some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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