Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
