He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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