Swine flu. Run for my life!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
