Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
