STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What a dumb baby whore.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
