she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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