Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wish my penis had a tongue
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
