I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
