That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
