the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
