You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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