her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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