Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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