Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
