i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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