she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
