listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
