when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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